Booze Reviews: Fox Barrel Pear Cider
I fucking hate pears. If ever there was a fruit that God should have forbidden from touching the mouthes of mankind it should have been pears. What purpose does the pear serve other than to perfectly describe a woman's tuckus!?! (this jewish-worded sentence brought to you by the fact that searching for images of pears on google primarily returns PORN!) I don't think I have enough linguistic ability to really describe to you all in depth how much I really do hate pears. Let me count the ways...
1. The SKIN is like PAPER. We all know that the skin is the worst part of ANY fruit but the pear just likes to RUB IT IN! "Hey I have some juicy fruit inside me - BUT FIRST YOU MUST EAT HALF THE PAGES FROM MOBY DICK, BWAHAHAHA!"
2. The fruit is either POTATO-GRADE tough or BABY-FOOD mush. There's no middle ground here people. Bite into it at Potato Time and your mother says "Oh, it's just not ready yet", wait five minutes and you are suddenly in GERBER LAND!
3. The taste...What the fuck is that? Are you eating fruit or not? Did I accidentally bite into a sugared up turnip? Why yes, yes you did. BUT EVEN IF YOU HAD bitten into the pear you would still be left with the undeniable feeling that it somehow stole a piece of your innocence.
But none of that matters. Because I LOVE Fox Barrel's Pear Cider. I am ashamed of myself but I just can't help it. I don't know how they did it, but the people at Fox Barrel have somehow found a way to make something pear-flavored taste good. Not just good, this stuff tastes great. I was blown away by this pear cider because I was totally prepared to hate it's guts. The flavor is light and has the perfect amount of sweetness. More than that it's the right KIND of sweetness. It reminds me of the same kind of light powdered-sugar flavor you get when you accidentally inhale it while mom's making her special cookies and she says STOP SNORTING THE POWDER...or maybe that was just my childhood. Either way, I recommend this it anyone - even if they hate pears as much as me.
Our Grade: A Price: I have no fucking clue. $10 for a six-pack sounds good. I'd pay that.
You know who else hates pears? THE DOCTOR!
August 9th, 2010 - 16:12
Ha! Who would have ever thought of pears in such a comical way. Great review. I love this stuff because it’s not too sweet like some of the other ciders. Kudos.
August 9th, 2010 - 19:56
LOL. Whut?
August 9th, 2010 - 21:08
I demand some kind of Cider War or whatever the hell it is you call that thing between this and Wyder’s Pear Cider! I find that to be greatly superior and demand that you put my opinion to the test. To either validate my superiority or to show the callowness of your opinions! Go!
August 10th, 2010 - 00:00
Sure thing Erik, you send me a few bottles of your favorite cider and we’ll do just that.
March 12th, 2011 - 00:28
Erik’s right—Wyder’s is the best pear cider I know of. Sipping a Fox Barrel at the moment and I also agree that it’s one damn fine elixir.
There’s a lot of shitty cider out there and it’s a great thing how smaller brewers like Wyder’s and Fox are becoming more widespread.
For too long all you could find at bars was Woodchuck, which if you ask me, tastes a bit like highly concentrated apple juice mixed with a shot of vodka—the Smirnoff Ice of cider.
And on the subject of cider, Magner’s original is fantastic, dry and not too sweet like a good cider should be, but their pear is too sweet. Trader Joe’s has some of the cheapest cider on the market (Newton’s Folly), in two varieties. Get the one in the green six-pack. Other one’s two sweet. Cheers.
March 14th, 2011 - 15:15
I haven’t tried Magner’s yet, but I’ll keep an eye out for it. Thanks for the comment.