12 Drinks of Christmas: #3 Egg Nog

Some people say that if you don't like egg nog then you've never had it home-made. I say, "if you don't like egg-nog you probably tried to make it at home once and completely EFFED it up." I hate to post a drink recipe that I was unsuccessful at turning into a tasty beverage but I'm not really the best chef, so maybe you'll have better luck.

Here's what I was working with:

• 4 egg yolks
• 1/3 cup sugar, plus 1 tablespoon
• 1 pint whole milk
• 1 cup heavy cream
• 3 ounces bourbon
• 1 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
• 4 egg whites*

This is Alton Brown's recipe and while Alton is definitely one of my favorite cooking personalities, I'm not sure he really knows what he's doing here. There's no vanilla (which I really like and would have expected) and not all that much sugar in the recipe either. The biggest selling point of making it fresh, for me, was that Alton told me I could make ice cream out of it. Wrong. Didn't work. You suck, Alton. You can find the full episode (and a better guide than I could type) for this recipe here and here. Just keep it under your hats or Food Network is going to shut us down.

There are about a hundred different videos on youtube with recipes for egg nog. This is by far the best one I've found, if only for the sheer massiveness of it's host.

Chef Paul

Please notice that Chef Paul Prudhomme is sitting through this entire clip. Asking him to stand for 90+ seconds at a time is simply out of the question because the man is so incredibly fat. After eating his own cooking for 50+ years the man has gotten so fat that he is now, in fact, bulletproof. You read me right, Chef Paul's layers of pure unadulterated butter-fat may have in fact saved his life in 2008 when a stray .22 caliber bullet struck his now impervious exterior. He is 70 years old now and the fact that this man is not dead yet suggests that his sheer defiance of all things healthy has caused God to grant him immortality, just to screw with skinny people.

Here's the facts boys and girls: If you simply add a few ounces of Bourbon to your favorite "Carton O' Nog" (a 3-1 ratio ought to do it) and a little fresh nutmeg and you can save yourself about an hour of hassel and possible food poisoning. Win, win, win.

Yes, I Know, I'm WAY Behind...More Drinks Coming Throughout the Day. AND LOTS MORE CAPITAL LETTERS!

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