Nashville Beerventures and Beer Reviews!
What do you think of when you think of Nashville? Miley Cyrus? The Grand Ol' Opry? Country Music? Forget that shit and jam some beer in your head (preferably through your mouth hole). Nashville is home to some great beer, great taprooms, and great food. Gather up your gee-tar and Patsy Cline albums, come down to Nashville and start drinking! While there are several good local craft brews, Yazoo is one of exceptional note. (though you should check out blackstone brewery as well) Yazoo is brewed, sold, and served all around the Nashville area and it is delicious.
Sure, Yazoo has a taproom and a brewery you can tour, (and you should visit those places) but from my experience, the best setting for a Yazoo is at the 12 South Taproom and Grill. 12 South Taproom has great beer and great food, if you're from the nashville area you need to go there...a lot...why aren't you there now? They have all kinds of good shit there. Are you a vegetarian? GOOD, try the soysauge, even if you're a godderned omnivore you should eat that shit! It's vegetables that tastes like sausage!
The first beer I ordered from 12 South's large selection was Yazoo's smoke porter, Sue. I've definitely had a few smoked in my time and this one was rich and malty, but the smoked flavors took a bit of a back seat. Sue has several interesting tastes going on, I mostly noticed a sort of dark toffee and a bit of chocolate. The smoked notes that came towards the end of the drink are very woody, nutty, and salty.
WATCH OUT BEER! THAT PEPPER IS GOING FUCK YOU!
After Sue, I ordered Yazoo's pale ale. Yazoo's Pale Ale is a nice drinkable beer and would be great on a hot summers day. I can't say that it was the best pale ale I've had, but it's certainly not bad. I would certainly choose Yazoo's pale ale over most pale ales out there. (Budweiser? more like infant-dolphin piss-weiser) Aroma wise, there is a bit of citrus and hop, but nothing overwhelming (which is nice). As far as the taste goes, there is a pretty solid biscuity flavor and a little bit of sweetness that I thoroughly enjoyed.
Next time you're in Nashville make sure you grab some Yazoo beer or stop by 12 South Taproom and drink up!
Yazoo Sue: 4/5 (Get it!)
Yazoo Pale Ale: 3/5 (have it with dinner.)
Cherry Heering – Liqueur Review
The problem with any cherry-flavored beverage is that since the beginning of time doctors have been using the flavor to mask the unpleasant taste of their ass-tastic-tasting cold medicine ingredients - like opium! What that means is everyone reading this will likely want to vomit at the idea of actually drinking something that tastes anything like cough syrup and carries with it such wonderful memories as "my first phlegm ball". Like all of you I was initially skeptical, but after my first taste I have to admit I really like Cherry Heering.
Who's got one eye and loves Opium? THIS GUY!
Ok, so maybe their catch phrase "Oh, so civilised." hasn't changes since their founding in 1818. But check it out, they got pretty ladies!
"My diet doesn't allow me to drink...anything." (From cherryheering.com)
Ok, I swear I'm not a shill for Cherry Heering, but please GO to their website now and look at their glamour shots, go ahead, I'll wait. Most of the time the product isn't actually in the photo's its just ladies in various stages of undress. But the best part of the photos is not the half-naked ladies, its the fact that ALL of their models are DRINKING NOTHING in every photo.
Alright, so what does it really taste like? A sugared-up Manhattan with a lot of of cherry. Seriously. When you taste it, obviously cherry is at the forefront but beyond that you get a distinct wine-like flavor reminiscent of sweet vermouth followed by a mild burn; i.e. a Manhattan. Ok, it's not quite a Manhattan in a bottle but once you taste it you'll have to admit the similarities. You can drink it straight but the real reason to buy Cherry Heering is that you can't make a lot of the classic cocktails without it.
So if you like cherry, or you'd really like to make some classic cocktails, or you're a booze nerd with an impulsive need to fill your entire closet with random bottles of booze nobody has ever heard of so you can feel validated as a human being...then get some Cherry Heering. Seriously, even if you don't have a cold, you'll probably like it.
Our Rating: **** (Highly Recommended) $20
Captain Morgan Tattoo – Rum Review
The Captain. He hung on your dorm room wall for four solid years promoting his tasty low-cost rum to the college masses. It's a good rum. A wholesome rum. The kind of rum you can take home to your alcoholic mother. But, you see, one day The Captain saw you had another booze on your wall; a younger booze, a prettier booze with a tight ass that you gave an affectionate nickname to and, well, The Captain got jealous...
When I first started drinking I looked upon this bottle longingly. It was the mystery of what might be contained within that drew me in. The old Captain that I loved had a new style and I couldn't wait to try it. Little did I know I already had tried it in a similarly black bottle except this one had a deer on it.
Alright, enough beating around the bush; I'm just going to say it. Captain Morgan totally ripped off Jaegermeister with this one and they did it in a bad way. Jaeger isn't exactly the kind of high class liquor you sip from a snifter but, damn could The Captain have gone any more wrong with this one? It's like they took all of the sweet herbal qualities out of Jaeger, while somehow leaving the bitter and then slapped the kind of bullshit name four Ad-Men from the 80's would dream up. OH! And are those quasi-tribal-tatts on the bottle? Why yes they are! Are their any lamer tattoos in existence? No, sir, there are not.
In my head, I imagine the original pitch for Captian Morgan Tattoo went something like this:
Smee - "Mr. President, I have some bad news, the kids aren't drinking as much Captain Morgan as they used to.
The Cap - "Shiver me fuckin' timbers, my profits be dwindlin! What be the problem laddy?"
Smee - "Tis a new whore at bay by the name of Jaeger; they say she does things with her one good arm that would make a man forget that thing on her neck"
The Cap - "Aye, there be only one thing to do. Steal me some Jaeger, add some of me rum to it and call it "Tattoo." That's what all the kiddies be drinkin' these days, aye?"
Smee - Arrrrr Captain.
The Cap - Arrrrr
Smee - Arrrrr
Yep, I bet that's exactly how it went. The thing is, I don't really mind rip-offs. If you can take something I like and make it better and sell it cheaper then I will buy it. I'm all for naked cut-throat capitalism. But if you're gonna rip off an established brand at least do it well. This is further proof that Captain Morgan has no real friends. Real friends don't let their friends release blatant rip-offs unless they're at least as good as the original.
F+/ $18 / Don't buy this unless you're a consumer-whore like me who just can't resist.
Chocovine: Wine Review
Let me say upfront that I'm a big fan of Baileys. Sure, it's not the kind of thing you want to drink all the time since it's approximately 83% fat-ass. But there are times when nothing is quite as nice as a glass of Baileys. Actually, Baileys sells more liqueur than any other company in the world. That means is there are now about 100 different Baileys Irish Cream clones on the market to choose from. ChocoVine is the latest contender for Baileys' melted-alcoholic-ice-cream-in-a-bottle crown.
Chocovine tries to avoid the downfall of every other liqueur that simply tries to recreate Baileys taste and undercut its price. Here's the thing: the taste of Baileys isn't exactly nuanced and the irish cream recipe isn't rocket science anyway. But by changing the base spirit from Irish Whiskey to Red Wine, Chocovine has taken the taste of Baileys into the wine market. Chocovine's strength then is that its classified as a Dessert Wine rather than just another liqueur trying to steal some of Baileys' market share. That distinction is advantageous for two reasons: first, Chocovine will not be sold on the same shelf as Baileys and, second, it's classified by stores and in people's minds as a wine. When you're going to a dinner party with friends you don't bring Baileys, you bring wine.
Regardless of what's in it, any cream-based alcoholic beverage is going to be measured by the Baileys standard. So here's how they differ:
"For one thing, Baileys is significantly more homicidal."
The first thing you'll notice is the color difference. As you might have guessed Chocovine has a much deeper, reddish hue to it versus Baileys off beige color (mm...creamy beige). Second is the viscosity. Baileys is a fairly thick beverage but Chocovine is actually a bit thicker. Now, I think both drinks are looking to mask their alcoholic content as much as possible. Even Baileys with its high price tag (which would suggest a quality Irish whisky is used in its production) is not very forward with the booze flavor. Chocovine's alcohol content is even more subdued but you can still tell that the base is definitely something other than whisky (even though I don't detect any red wine flavor either). The biggest difference between the two is flavor and, for me, this is where Chocovine stands out. It tastes like a melted chocolate shake with just the tiniest bit of alcohol. It's as if a slightly disgruntled Wendy's employee decided to spike your Frosty.
None of that matters. Baileys has nothing to fear from Chocovine. (Put the knife down, man. Everything's cool.) Baileys' brand recognition is unassailable at this point. It is an icon of the liqueur world and it will not be dethroned so easily. The thing is, I think the makers of Chocovine realized this. That's why they positioned themselves not to pick up some of Baileys' table scraps but to take a piece of the market that Baileys currently can't touch. Classified as a Dessert Wine, Chocovine will be considered in situations where Baileys is not. As for my own conclusion: if I'm choosing a cream-based alcoholic beverage based solely on taste, from now on I'm choosing Chocovine.
The bottom line: In terms of both price and taste Chocovine is the closest you can get to Baileys without getting your eyeballs wet.
Our Rating: **** (Highly Recommended) $10-15 www.chocovine.com
Beer Review: Arctic Panzer Wolf
Let’s face it, our society can’t last much longer, look around you and observe the great hedonistic consumption machine that is America. If I’m right and the apocalypse is upon us then we're really only going to need one thing. Beer. We have to be realistic here, not just any beer will do in a dystopian-big brother-future run entirely by zombies, we need a beer of epic proportions, we need ARCTIC PANZER WOLF. As Mao Zedong once said “There is great disorder under heaven, the situation is excellent.” The situation is indeed excellent if you can sip on a great bottle of Three Floyds Arctic Panzer Wolf while watching Zardoz drop guns on the barbarian hordes.
This picture gives me the weirdest boner.
Three Floyds is infamous for pumping out extraordinary beers and Arctic Panzer Wolf is no exception. Arctic Panzer Wolf is an intense explosion of citrus, pine, sweet malt, and hops! This beer pours out a decently thick head, maybe a half of an inch, but it disappears quickly (probably within the first few minutes, so enjoy it while it lasts.) The beer has a nice orange/brown color with a little bit of haze floating through. Upon first whiff, your nose will be overpowered with hops and pine! The taste follows nicely with the smell, the hops sort of fade into the citrus and the malt, for being a Three Floyds beer it didn’t have an overly hoppy taste to it. Some of the more hoppy beers out there often over power the taste, but APW hits you mostly at the finish and then lingers a bit in the after taste. The mouth feel may have been my favorite part; APW is a dry beer with a great amount of carbonation.
I think this is an arctic panzer wolf.
Overall, Arctic Panzer Wolf is great on a hot day when you’re trying to outrun the flesh eating zombie communist hordes who want to procreate with your sister…or on any other just regular day.
Our Rating: 5/5 (Highest Recommendation) Check it out at: www.3floyds.com
Beer Review: Skullsplitter!
Sweet Odin’s beard! Skullsplitter is a beer that will quench the eternal fires of Múspellsheimr. No mortal can withstand the sweet ambrosia that is skullsplitter. Skullsplitter is brewed amongst the Orkney Islands, which make up the largest island chain in the UK. The Orkney Islands are home to the most well preserved Neolithic archaeological sites through out the entire UK, the Orkney Brewery takes that inheritance and has made an overwhelmingly delicious Strong Ale, Skullsplitter. Skullsplitter is named for Thorfinn Einarsson who was the 7th Viking Earl of Orkney.
It tastes way better than this.
Technically speaking Skullsplitter is a strong ale weighing in at 8.5%; it’s often listed as a barley wine, but it caries more strong ale characteristics than it does barley wine. First, the pour is great, it’s a brownish mahogany with an ivory cap of foam that fades as you drink it. The nose of skullsplitter is mainly a vanilla and fruit characteristics, think dates, brown sugar, plums, molasses. The taste pretty well follows suite with dominant characteristics of brown sugar, molasses, and maybe just a hint of something smokey. Skullsplitter sits in your mouth with a velvety smooth texture, moderate carbonation and goes down very smooth despite it’s overall heavy body.
Skullsplitter is definitely something to pick up whenever you see it and if you have the fortitude stick a bottle or two away for a while because it will age well. Skullsplitter would pair well with a variety of food, red meat (like that of your conquered enemies), strong cheeses, pasta, or just for desert. So, Pick up some Skullsplitter next time you are going to ride into epic battle, sitting at the endless table of victory in Valhalla, or getting your ass kicked by frost giants.
Our Grade: ***** (Highest Recommendation) Check it out at: www.sinclairbreweries.co.uk
Las Fresas! Happy Rum Day!
Today, my friends, we celebrate one of the holiest of made-up holidays: National Rum Day. It's like Christmas, but calls for slightly less drinking. Believe it or not only one of the thousands of rum brands sent me a gift: Zacapa Rum. On first taste their Rum 23 is very nice (A review will be forthcoming). But after work tonight, I'm going to be celebrating Rum Day with their "The Fresas" cocktail. Loosely translated it means "The Alcoholic Strawberry" Enjoy!
Las Fresas
1 1/2 ounces Zacapa Rum 23
3/4 ounce lime juice
1/2 ounce simple syrup
1 ounce fresh strawberry puree
Preparation:
1. Combine Zacapa Rum 23, lime juice, simple syrup, and strawberry puree into a cocktail shaker with ice.
2. Shake well and strain into a highball glass.
Booze Reviews: Three Floyds’ Gumball Head
Three Floyds is a brewery that's been pumping out amazing beer since 1996. After 15 years of brewing they're kind of a big deal. “How Big?” you may ask. Well, their “Dark Lord' brew is widely regarded as one of the best beers in the world, is only available one day of the year, and is instantly resold at a premium by beer-scalping-pirates. I've not had it, but I'm considering selling my firstborn and using the proceeds to buy a case.
Anyway, I had occasion to visit their brewpub in Munster, Indiana not too long ago and I was not disappointed. The food was great, sure, but the beer was fantastic.The first beer I had was their Gumballhead, which is an American Wheat Ale that Three Floyds with the goal of making an American Wheat Ale that “doesn't suck.”. It was unlike any wheat ale I've ever had before. Namely, because of the hops. With a wheat beer, what you typically expect is a light malty flavor, sometimes with some fruit and occasionally (if you're into Belgian Ales) some living yeast flavors (which tends to add a kind of banana-esque flavor to the beer).
You don't usually expect the sweet citrus and bitterness that comes from an excess of hoppage in a wheat beer. But holy shit do the Floyd boys love their hops. I don't believe I have ever experienced a beer this hoppy before with the exception of a homebrewed Pale Ale my uncle gave me (and to be fair, that was a fucking hoppy beer). If your personal "Good Wheat Beer Equation" is: Good Wheat + Hops = AWESOME WHEAT BEER then you'll love Gumballhead.
He's totally gonna fuck that beer when you stop looking.
Their website says that the Gumball Head has grapefruit, lemon zest, marmalade, and peach, but all I was able to taste was the grapefruit and peach. Actually there was a fairly low bitterness for as many hops as were in it, which was definitely not what I was expecting from an extraordinarily hoppy beer. This can be said for almost any of the beers made by Three Floyds: if hops aren't your thing, then stay the fuck away. You might die. Seriously. Bottom line? It's a wheat ale that doesn't suck. Huzzah!
Our Rating: **** out of 5 (Buy It If You See It) www.3floyds.com
Booze Reviews: Goose Island Matilda
Objectively speaking, Anheuser-Busch "sucks ass" and what they do to craft breweries makes me rage harder and more furious than a rabid bear riding on the back of three hurricane Katrina’s while tripping on a triple dose of meth. Though, the exception to the above rule is Goose Island; come on, Goose Island isn’t really an Anheuser-Busch product, they’ve just been bought out by them (which I guess means that when I buy Goose Island my money goes to A-B...which makes my inner ethical Utilitarian rage again!). Once again, speaking objectively Goose Islands best brew of all time is Matilda. If one were to venture into the world of forms and find the form of beer, this is what you would find.
Matilda is a perfect Belgian Pale ale for sipping on a hot-as-balls day in the pit of hell that is Southern Illinois.It's an extra-ordinary beer, so lets take it slow. First, it pours a sort of transparent-apricot-peachy-amberish with a quarter of an inch of white foam (if you pour it right). There’s a multitude of good smells that one can identify, the most prominent of the smells for was a very bready yeast (you know that really good biscuit sort of smell that Belgian Ales are famous for) followed by some citrus (it reminded me most of lemon, orange, or maybe something more tropical). A majority of the taste was malt with some spice and fruit towards the end. Overall the taste reminded me a little bit of lemonade with honey and cloves. The mouth feel of this beer was especially good, not too carbonated and a little on the dry side.
After loosing multiple bids for a congressional seat, Abe Lincoln said to himself: "Fuck this noise, I'll build my own White House."
In spite of the monster known as Anheuser-Busch-InBev-With-The-Devil that has consumed this craft brewery, Matilda is still a fantastic beer and it deserves your attention. I would highly suggest picking up a bottle and just let it age for a while, but get real who has the patience for that kind of thing? Maybe buy two bottles and let one age….or buy 10 bottles…or 20…..what I’m getting at here is that this beer is good so drink it.
Our Rating: **** out of 5 (Highly Recommended) www.gooseisland.com
Save the Parrots! (by getting wasted)
Novo Fogo Cachaca has a promotion going on right now to save some birds. Novo Fogo will donate 50 cents for every cocktail someone orders with the name "The Red Tailed Parrot" at your bar which uses Novo Fogo Cahaca in the recipe. Is this evil, red-tailed capitalism? You bet it is! But it's also the best kind, because its a win, win, win for everyone involved. The parrots win because money goes to the people that care about their red-feathered asses. The bar wins because of the good will generated by all the hippie-love. And Novo Fogo wins because they are encouraging bartenders to buy Novo Fogo and create cocktails with it, which gets it into the hands of consumers. If we capitalist pigs had hearts, they'd be slightly warmer after reading this.